I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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