You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
