I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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