I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
