Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
