the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
