How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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