big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
