The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
