it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
