I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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