Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
