Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
