if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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