i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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