he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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