You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
