He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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