I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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