Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sobbing to NWA
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
