honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
