i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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