His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
