a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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