I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
