He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
