the condom got lost in my hair
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We're too hungover to prance.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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