How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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