So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
