rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
