reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
