OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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