oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
