I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
In America we eat man semen.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
