He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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