You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
