Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
