i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
