went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
