First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
