I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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