Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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