After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
