Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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