Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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