ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
