What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
