he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
