The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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