I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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