watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
