8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
