My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My bed smells like the plague
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