this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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