Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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