Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
