It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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