I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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