broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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