Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
