I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
