He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
