we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck me I smell like cheese
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
