never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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