she was so not down for the gang bang
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
