fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
