just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
