I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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