It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
