Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
