just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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