I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
