i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
