On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
