i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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