So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
