I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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