I think I died a long time ago.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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