420 ftw
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
im on a boat
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