in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
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Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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